I loved him back in the day when he didn’t have two dimes

And her beauty and charm is likely all smoke and mirrors. I congratulate you for skipping the self-flagellation step that so many of us have fallen into. Kudos for recognizing that she saw and exploited a need. That’s all.

He loves that I chose to give up my career (yes you judgemental skank, I am well educated too, she looked down on my choice) to stay at home with our kids

Oh no, I didn’t skip it at all, in fact. I just am trying to get past that as it was destructive.

The OW seemed attractive, intelligent, etc., and was a person in a highly regarded career. The way he affaired down was, first, in the most obvious way: she was a person of low character, the kind who would cheat on her own H and sleep with someone else’s. And she didn’t really care about my H in any deep way, he was just a diversion from her unhappy life. It was fun for her to be involved with him for a while, but it didn’t really mean much to her and he eventually came to see that he had trashed our marriage and his own character for a pathetic involvement with someone who was cheap and meaningless.

Did he affair down? Let me count the ways. First, I will state the obvious. Someone who can have sex with another woman’s husband, in another woman’s home, surrounded by evidence that this is a FAMILY that she is out to destroy, is obviously a person with no morals. HER: she was his colleague and he commented more than once (as have others) that she was completely disliked by everyone in their world, co-workers and clients alike. She thought she was better than everyone, and had a very snobby attitude. He also commented more than once on her lack of female friends, and how unusual that was for a single woman (who would presumably have more time to hang out with gal pals than a married woman would). ME: I make friends easily, tend to be outgoing and friendly. His colleagues, and few clients that I have met, have always reacted positively to me and he always saw that as great. HER:

HER: told him from the beginning that kids were “not her thing” She is childless by choice, and way into her career. He has four kids. Not sure where he thought THAT was headed. ME: I love kids, I’m good with them. HER: very into money, very into her brand names, very into her image. Food snob, expensive restaurants when they ate out and spent more on appetizers, desserts and wine than I spend on my entire meal. ME: I am easy to please, more into the company I am with than the food. I don’t drink at all and my husband doesn’t either. She does a lot, so big ver estes mismatch there. i like quality items, but don’t really care as much about the “name”. Way before he had a professional career and made good money. HER: She outweighs me by at least 80 pounds and is not fit at all. Husband himself said he was embarrassed more than once at how she dressed for business meetings. ME: He has never once criticized my style, which is more tasteful than hers. I am at a normal weight and I exercise. HER: she had a “me first” attitude, which I suppose was easy for him to overlook when she put him with her in the first place spot. ME: I put everyone else first. With four kids, it’s a given. He couldn’t always have the number one spot. This is an area he can really see the difference in NOW. The list could go on and on, but I will end with the BIGGEST one of all. I knew he was depressed about losing his dad, his business nearly failing (and the depression worsened as the affair progressed) , but he confessed to her that he was suicidal with a plan. She told him NOT to get help. NOT to get medication. NOT to get therapy. SHE would fix him and I was the problem in his life. I shudder to think of the “what ifs”.